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Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.

The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.

It's funny how all trust goes away when you can't find the remote. ''Are you sitting on the remote?'' No. ''Stand up''.

Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!

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